Michael

07:36 pm - Merry Christmas Everyone

Hi everyone

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.... I am still here but as you know havnt been around still... I am gonna so much try to be though for the New Year ..infact its one of my New Years resolutions to make sure i update and read / comment here on livejournal as often as possible..which means at least every couple of days.

Once again though .....

MERRY CHRISTMAS

LOVE Michael xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: accomplished

02:06 pm - map type thingy ma jig

02:05 pm - I Am Still Here

Hi everyone

Yep its me appearing on your pages again....and yes I am still here .... I am so sorry I havnt updated in like 2 million years but its been mainly down to being busy and also feeling like i didnt really want to write anything good after going through so much the past year with my dad. However I think its time to start again and I will do so from this week. This is gonna just be a short entry but I promise that I will write more in the next couple of days and also get back to reading all your LJ's again.... Thankyou to everyone who has stuck with me and kept me on their friends lists :-) I have had a quick peek round some and found a map thingy that i will paste after.. its kinda interesting I think :-). Anyway ...just to let you know I am ok... and look forward to having you back in my life veruy very soon... until then though.... and I am sure you all have missed this..... Nite just for now :-)

Current Mood: contemplative

09:01 am - Only Me

Hi everyone

Its only me...nobody special... Just writing a little update as not too much to say really...except thanx again for all your support over the past 6 months or so. I am still very sad of course... but am now getting on with things again. I will be back to work next week... either sunday or monday depending when my rest days are.

I am really tired as Jelena decided to wake me up at least 10 times in the night putting her hand in my mouth. I am not sure why as there was fresh food and water...the cat tray was empty and clean and te window was open. Now as I type this up and awake ... shes on my lap asleep... i dunno...WOMEN !!!!

Well thats about it for the moment.. I am gonna try and get uptodate on your LJ's today and tomorrow and then should be able to remain so...so look out for me..and hope to chat to you soon...and look forward to some of the people who removed me for reasons they explained....to come back and see me ... Until then tho....nite just for now :-)

PS ... I added something to my info page....so go look...and if you wanna...feel free to oblige :-P

Current Mood: sad

10:28 pm - My Dad's In His New Home Now

Hi everyone

I not long got home from my mums where we all spent the day after going to bury my dads ashes in the cemetry where my mum bought the plot of land. My whole family with the exception of one of my nephews was there... just as my mum placed the urn into the ground... the sun came from behind a cloud and shined so brightly.... My sister said it was my dad smiling down on us. I then filled the hole in to make him comfy and we placed some of the flowers from his funeral around him...and hes now settled in ... and we will go to visit it often....

I guess now begins the next chapter in my life... but for certain the memories and love for my dad will never ever be forgotten. He would have wanted us to carry on with our own lives and not stop and be sad for ages and ages... I dont know if I am going to be able to trully enjoy myself for sometime to come though... but I will try ... Also from tomorrow I am going to try nd be as active as I used to be online and on LJ..so be warned that comments will be flyng around... and updates a plenty... and hopefully most of them will be about nice..and happy things... rather than the pain and sufferring I have been through the past 6 months. Just before I go i want to thank you all for you love, care and understanding during this time... and you all trully do mean very very much to me... THANK YOU. So until next time then.... nite just for now

Current Mood: sad

11:45 pm - Until We Meet Again, Dad.... I Will Love You For Ever And Always

Hi Everyone

This is just a short update to say that i just got home after going to my dads funeral today and that I am '' ok '' as much as ok can be in these circumstances. There were a large amount of family and friends there and it was the first ever funeral I have been to. I along with my 3 brother in laws carried my dad's coffin into the chapel... I was shocked as to how heavy it was and that coupled with the fact I was weak from sadness and trying to stay strong... I didnt think I was going to be able to make it all the way ....but the determination and wanting to carry him got us there. My dad was cremated and two of my sisters read out the words that we had written in memory of my dad...and were very strong in doing so...I know I would never have been able to have read any of them out... He had loads of flowers but also alot of people have given my mum a cheque which we asked them to do....and we will then be donating the money from those to the Intensive Care Unit where my dad spent much of the past 5 1/2 months...and who did all they could to try and save him. Apart from a couple of them....the flowers are all being taken to a local church. On Monday my family will be burying my dads ashes in a plot of land and it will be a place where we can go to visit my dad whenever we want too... especially of course on his birthday ..fathers day...and Christmas. I am going to my sisters tomorrow evening and be home Sunday ..then to my mums and to bury the ashes on Monday. I may get to update Sunday but if not will either Monday night or Tuesday and it will be from then on that I will hopefully be on much more often. Until next time tho....Nite just for now

Current Mood: sad

08:28 pm - I Can't See My Dad

Hi everyone

I got a phone call today from my mum to tell me that the undertaker phoned her to say that we can NOT go see my dad in the chapel now as he isn't in a fit state to be seen...I so badly wanted to see him one last time and I know my mum and most of my family wanted to aswell. I am not sure of the exact reason but they said that he was hygenic enough or something. My guess is that where he was so full of fluid in his tissues before he died....that basically now they have drained away... he is probably no more than just skin and bones... I guess its better not to see him if he isnt recognisable...but it doesnt make the pain any easier.

I am going to my mums in the morning and will be staying with her tomorrow night and then the funeral is on Friday at 3:20 pm GMT. I expect to be home sometime Friday evening but not 100 % certain yet. I will update again as soon as I can .. and from next week should hopefully be commenting again..so beware for loads ... Anyway .. until next time then..I will say Nite just for now

Current Mood: depressed

03:09 pm - My Words For My Dad

Hi everyone

Today i have had to tell my sister the words which i want to be read out at my dads funeral. I really didnt know what to say but after a long chat on the phone with Jen she told me to think of the good things and things that made me laugh. So this is what I have come up with. Before I post it tho I want to say again that anybody who dont feel they can read it doesnt have to...thats why i have put it under an LJ Cut.

( Words To My Dad )

I will write again soon...Thanx again everyone for your care and help and for being my friends .... until next time... nite just for now

Current Mood: depressed

09:32 am - Short Update

Hi everyone

I would like to once again thank everybody who has emailed / commented and chatted to me over the past week since my dad died... You all really do mean very much to me and I will be forever grateful to have you as my friends. I know some of you removed me from your friends lists because of things I was saying bringing back memories of your own... and I apolgise for doing that to you...but I am glad that some of you re added me..and hopefully some or all the others will too. I will be making some more updates during this week...and espescially after the funeral on friday and the private ceremony on Monday ..but after that I will try not to write too much more which might upset any of you.

Even though its almost a week now....the fact my dad is no longer with us has not really sunk in. I have been told it can take days...weeks..months... Its a bit like after you visit the dentist I guess...your mouth is numb for ages...then suddenly it wears off and the pain hits you...I think thats how this must be...i know is going to hit me sometime..just not when...but my thoughts think that if not before...its likely to be Thursday when i see him in the chapel or friday at the funeral...

Anyway just wanted to let you all know im still here and that I will be around to chat and update and comment again VERY soon.... until next time tho... Nite just for now

Current Mood: depressed

11:41 am - Thankyou Everyone

Hi everyone

I want to thank all of you who commented on my last entry and those of you who sent me emails. Your support and care throughout my dad's illness has been wonderful and I will forever appreciate it. I will be back reading and commenting very soon and I am looking forward to being much more active again.

My dads funeral will be taking place next Friday 29th August and then on the Monday after we are having a private cerermony for just my family ( as in my mum, 3 sisters and brother in laws and my nephews and nieces ) ...where we are going to the small plot of land my mum has bought to bury the ashes. We have decided on this so that we will have a special place to go to lay flowers etc rather than the Garden Of Rememberence.

I still don't think the full extent of whats happened has sunk in for me yet... I am sad and I think numb in general.... maybe when the numbness wears off is when it will hit... and also at the funeral... I don't know. What I do know though is that I have all your support...love care and thoughts and as I said already its something I will never forget.

Thankyou all again...... Michael

Current Mood: numb

12:17 am - Goodbye My Wonderful Dad, I Will Love You Forever

Hi everyone,

This is just a short entry to say that at 2:30 pm British Summer Time on Tuesday 19th August 2003 my dad passed away. It has ended 5 1/2 months of illness and sufferring for him and I am sure he is now in a place looking down on us all and will continue to care about us and protect us as he has done all our lives. I am going to write a more detailed entry below that you may or may not wish to read so i have put it under an LJ Cut. If any of you want to email me I would appreciate it so much.... my email address is invisiblemeuk@aol.com

( Goodbye My Wonderful Dad )

08:05 pm - Im an Uncle Again

hi everyone

Last night I became an uncle again for the 10th time. My sister had a baby girl at 7:30 pm and she weighed 6 lbs 6 oz and is called Grace. I have 5 nephews and 5 nieces now.

Of course her birth comes at a time of worry and despair as my dad is still in intensive care critcally ill. On wednesday evening / night his heart rate went down to zero at least 10 times and they resuscitated him via the adrenalin being put into his line that goes straight into his artery. The nurses and doctors didnt expect him to last the night but he has once again proved us all wrong and is still with us but only just. The past couple of days he has stablelised again but is still on the ventilator and several antibiotics and is being given boold, plasma and platelets several times a day. The DVT is still in his leg from groin to calf but the rest of his blood is so thin, thats why theres so much of a problem. They cant thin the blood anymore to help the clot as basically its just coming straight out again. At the same time they cant thinken it as they are worried about more clots. He still has sceptisemia and the MRSA is now in his nose and throat. I don't know how much longer he will be able to keep fighting but I know he hasnt given up and nor have the nurses and doctors and no matter what happens we all know they have tried their best.

Once again i am sorry I havnt been around LJ and I know now that several people have removed me from their friendlist ..and thats really sad but its their choice and if they ever want to come back i will welcome them. I really will try and get back to reading and commenting very soon..I promise... but until next time..nite just for now

08:32 am - Just hanging On

Hi everyone

Thanks to those of you who commented on my last post and for your best wishes and thoughts etc. My dad is still just about hanging on but hes now on a ventilator ( which basically is breathing for him ) and the kidney machine again ( which he was on and off of last time ) along with numerous drugs to fight the sceptisemia, blood pressure , MRSA, pneumonia and the DVT. At the moment its the DVT thats causing the most concern as parts of it keep breaking off and at least twice they have gotten into his lung which almost resulted in us losing him but each time they have managed to keep him here and stablise him. He needs a scan to determine if the DVT has moved but is too unwell to be moved even for that to be done. Hes sedated all the time now, hasnt spoken since Wednesday night. I ant to be there but its just impossible to sit there all the time. Its exhausting and the weather here isnt helping at all ( being very hot ). My mum has now gotten a room at the hospital which is understandable at the moment. To be absolutly honest I don't think he can take much more nr get any worse at all, we can only hope that somehow he can find the strength to fight the multiple things he has wrong now.

I will update you all again soon and once again apologise for not being on much nor reading / commenting on your LJ's. I know a few people have removed me from their friends lists and that has made me very sad but in the end its their choice and I cant do anything about that. So until next time, nite just for now

08:48 am - My Dad Is Vey Sick Again

Hi everyone

Once again I am so sorry for not beign around but I will soon i promise... I just need to sort my life out and then I will be back ... I am writing now though to tell you all that my dad went back into Intensive care last night. He went back into hospital 3 weeks ago sufferring from dehydration but last wednesday the doctors were saying he should be on his way home last friday. However he was weak and having trouble walking so he remained in and then they discovered he had MRSA ( the superbug thing that is transmitted through open wounds ) This in itself isnt a major problem as he could be allowed home with it. Anyway my mum phoned me sunday night to say he was fine and had been up doing little walks ( as he was in a side ward to stop other patients getting the MRSA ). The next time I spoke to my mum was Monday night at 10:30 pm when she said sorry it was so late but she didnt leave the hospital until 9 pm as dad wasnt well. They had done a scan on his leg and discovered he had DVT ( deep vein thrombosis ) which is basically a blood clot. He was also having trouble breathing propely. Then at 3:10 am yesterday morning, just as I had gotten up for work, the phone rang and it was my sister saying the hospital just phoned and said my dad was being transfered to the High Dependancy ward and that he was very poorly and maybe we should all go up there. We arrived about 4 am and he really didnt '' look '' to bad .. his face was more full and he looked more like my old dad and inbetween osing he was very alert and talkative. There was a scare when his heart rate went up to 170 for a few seconds but when they contacted the doctor he said it was because of the drugs they were giving him to get his blood pressure up which was extremly low. He gradually stabalised during the morning and then had a CT scan and seemed to be ok ( ish ) when I left him at 1 pm ( the rest of my family had gone home to have a rest and were going back later ) He was due to have an ultra ound scan at 3 pm and when I left the results of the CT scan were unknown.

At 7:30 pm last nite my sister phoned to say he was being transferred to ICU as they wasnt sure if he would need to go on the ventilator. She also said that the problems were that part of the DVT had broken off and gone into his lungs ( hence the breathing problem ) but also he had sceptisemia ( blood poisoning ) again but they didnt know where it was coming from. She said they would let me know if the doctors thought we should all go but I spoke to my other sister a bit later as they were coming home and she told me he was'' comfortable '' and looked ok... BUT that the nurses said the looks were very deceiving and he was VERY VERY sick and the liklihood was that he would get worse before getting better.She also said they did another test and have discovered he has slight pnemonia too... so basically hes got 4 major problems all at the same time ( DVT, Sceptisemia, pnemonia and MRSA )

I just spoke to my mum this mornign and she said the hospital just told her he was comfortable. I am going up there shortly to see him again and will let you know anythign more later today. Once again i will very soon get back to updating and reading your LJ's as soon as I can

Current Mood: scared

07:14 am - She Came Home !!!!!!!!!

Hi everyone

Just letting you know that Dokic came home :-) It was about 2 am that i felt a kitten jumping on me and it woke me up and then I heard playing fighting and then yes...there it was...two jumps on me.... I looked and felt and there were both kittens playing together... I don't know where she had been, maybe she just went exploring for a day, maybe she got lost maybe she got shut in someones house I don't know but i hope she or Jelena doesnt do it again. I don't mind them going out for a few hours but not a whole day ...

I spoke to my mum last night and she said that the scan my dad had yesterday didnt show anything bad up, hes not got the X Ray results yet though and the tests he was supposed to be having when he went there today wont be taking place until next week so hes going to be in there at last another week i would guess but the truth is I and my mum said the same think its better for him to stay there and be made better rather than go home again and then end up having to go in in a few weeks once again.

Last but not least for now...I finally managed to get my Wimbledon photos online so anyone wanting to see them look here My Wimbledon Pics
I am also going to put the link on my info page

Well I will update again later and as I keep saying will try and read / comment and get uptodate on all your LJ's very soon. Until then though... Night just for now

Current Mood: content

01:02 pm - I Knew I Would Be Punished For Being Happy

Hi everyone

As you have probably noticed I havent been updating / commenting much .. The fact is not really had a lot to write about and just havent had the chance to get uptodate on your journals. I will though eventually... However... as my title says ... it seems that as normal I am now being punished for being happy a couple of weeks ago..

On Tuesday morning I got a phone call from my mum to say my dad was going into hospital as he was dehydrated and needed to go on the drip... Hes had diorhea and being sick almost continualy for the past couple of weeks. Well he went in Tuesday and then yesterday when i spoke to my mum she said that he had a very very high temperature and was too weak to even sit up. I spoke to her again this morning nd she said she had phoned the hospital and that he was a little better...his temperature had gone down a bit.. but that he had also been up and down to the toilet all night still. Today he is having several tests and scans to try and find out whats causing it and why hs just not getting better at all... My sister said the other night when I spoke to her that when she saw him last friday he looked ghastly and even more skinny...altho of course this is due to him being sick all the time... I will find out more tonight and will let you know.

The second bit or bad news and punishment is that one of my kittens is missing. Because its been so hot here and basically because they were ripping my net curtains, i decided that I would have to have the windows open wider than the little amount they were up until Monday. Monday and Tuesday they just went in and out and in the bushes under my bedroom window...and could both easily jump up and get in again..so i didnt worry too much. Yesterday when I got home from work they went out and throughout the evening they were coming in and out. I was getting ready to go to bed around 10:30 pm last night and one of them came in so I fully expected the other one to join us shortly... as i had seen them runnign around together a few minutes before. That was the last time I saw her. One slept with me until I got up at 3 am ... then i had to go to work but i left the window open but when I got home around 10 am there was only the one in here. I had a look round but there was and is no sign of her... It may be shes just havign a really good time but Im sure by now she must be tired and hungry... I want her back... I really miss her and I know her sister does too...shes not let me out of her sight since I been home and keeps meowing proper meows where as before they both only did really quiet ones. I will have a nother walk round in a bit and if shes not home by tonight will make some leaflet thoings to put up in the communal hallways of the blocks around to ask if anyone sees her to let me know. Hopefully tho she will come home soon..or I will find her on my next look around.

I will let you know about both of these... I knew that I would be punished for being happy... as I always am... but why why why does it have to involve my dad and my kitten...they have done nothing wrong.... PLEASE let my dad be ok...and please let my kitten come home / be found safe and well.. PLEASE

I will update again later and I really will get back to bing a proper LJ'er soon..i promise... right now though I am feeling lowest of the low... Im sorry again for not being around... please all forgive me...and please all think / wish / pray that both my dad and kitten are ok

Current Mood: depressed

01:08 pm - Wimbledon Ladies

Hi everyone

As i said I would ... heres two lists...the first of my top ten lolvies and the second of the top ten ''new'' stars to watch out for in my opinion over the next couple of years. The second list wont include Jelena or Kim Clijsters etc..as they are already established. Here we go then ... ill put them under an LJ so it doesnt fill your friends pages up :-P

( Top Tens )

Current Mood: curious

12:48 pm - Still Here :-)

Hi everyone

Once again I been a very bad LJ'er but I can assure you I am still around altthough unfortunatly not been able to get uptodate as I hoped and now my holidays are over and I back to work tomorrow :-( I will try my very best tho to get back to commenting and I do try and read as many of your lj's as possible but I WILL get back to how I used to be.

My dad had to go back to the hospital on friday as when the nurse went to see him thursday she said he was jaundice. They did some scans on his liver and some more blood tests and he has to go back in a couple more weeks for another scan. I just wish it would all stop and that he can get 100 % better again.

The kittens are still driving me mad but at the same time I love their company ...I guess they just being typical kittens.

My Wimbledon experience is over for another year. i didnt go again this week as the weather here has been so crap plus most of the players I like got knocked out in the first week. I am going to do a seperate post in a minute of my faveorites in both ' looks' and who i think are going to be BIG stars in the next couple of years. I will add it to my memories too so you acn all check back in a few years to see if I was right :-)

I was listening to the radio last night and I heard a song that made me tingle as only some songs do the very first time you hear them. I came online and downloaded it right away and if you havnt heard it I suggest listenign out for it. I know that many of you like different kinds of music but please see what you think and how this makes you feel. Its called Dance With My Father and its by Luther Vandross .. heres the lyrics

( Dance With My Father )

I hope you enjoyed that .. its a very sad song and I think its going to be a massive hit here in the UK.

Anyway im gong to go sulk now as my holidays are over < cries > but I will update again very soon ( after my following wimbledon ladies one ) and will get to read / comment and be fully uptodate with all your LJ's too... until then tho...nite just for now ....

Current Mood: grumpy

07:29 pm - Not Such A Good Day

Hi everyone

Not such a good day today as jelena lost both in the singles and doubles and her Wimbledon is over for another year but at least she has left me with wonderful memories and of course her autograph and pictures... She lost to the new '' wonderkid '' on the scene... 16 year old Maria Sharapova and in the bookies eyes she was the favorite to beat Jelena anyway even though its her first Grand Slam. She did play well and one break in each set saw her win 6 - 4 6 - 4. Shes touted as the new Kournikova as i mentioned before but again as I said then...the main difference is she can play tennis !!!!!!!! I wish her luck for the rest of the tournament... and of course my attention now turns towards Kim Clijsters to hopefully win but also I hope that Vera Zvonereva can whip Venus Williams in the next round and do well too..

I spoke to my mum and my dad got on ok at the hospital yesterday ..he has to go back in 3 weeks for another check up but I spoke to her not long ago and hes in bed shivering even though its warm here ... he was also sick last nite....Hes far from better and Im still worried...i just wish he could start showing more signs of getting better.

I still not got uptodate as ur aware but I will soon... i promise... and i will update again here tomorrow...but until then... nite just for now

Current Mood: disappointed

01:25 pm - A Wonderful Wonderful Day :-)

Hi everyone :-))))))))))))

Yesterday has got to rank as one of the best days of my life.... I still can't believe it was real... I keep thinking I will wake up soon :-) But I have the pictures and the writing to prove it was real. After 4 years of waiting and hoping I finally managed to get Jelena's autograph and here it is to prove it :-)



I am going to put the rest behind an LC as its pretty long but please read it and look at the pictures... then you can share in one of the best days of my life...and hopefully feel some of my happiness for yourself...

( My Wonderful Day )

Current Mood: rejuvenated