Michael

Merry Christmas Everyone

2003-12-24T19:36:19Z

Hi everyone

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.... I am still here but as you know havnt been around still... I am gonna so much try to be though for the New Year ..infact its one of my New Years resolutions to make sure i update and read / comment here on livejournal as often as possible..which means at least every couple of days.

Once again though .....

MERRY CHRISTMAS

LOVE Michael xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

map type thingy ma jig

2003-11-03T14:06:05Z

I Am Still Here

2003-11-03T14:05:41Z

Hi everyone

Yep its me appearing on your pages again....and yes I am still here .... I am so sorry I havnt updated in like 2 million years but its been mainly down to being busy and also feeling like i didnt really want to write anything good after going through so much the past year with my dad. However I think its time to start again and I will do so from this week. This is gonna just be a short entry but I promise that I will write more in the next couple of days and also get back to reading all your LJ's again.... Thankyou to everyone who has stuck with me and kept me on their friends lists :-) I have had a quick peek round some and found a map thingy that i will paste after.. its kinda interesting I think :-). Anyway ...just to let you know I am ok... and look forward to having you back in my life veruy very soon... until then though.... and I am sure you all have missed this..... Nite just for now :-)

Only Me

2003-09-04T08:01:11Z

Hi everyone

Its only me...nobody special... Just writing a little update as not too much to say really...except thanx again for all your support over the past 6 months or so. I am still very sad of course... but am now getting on with things again. I will be back to work next week... either sunday or monday depending when my rest days are.

I am really tired as Jelena decided to wake me up at least 10 times in the night putting her hand in my mouth. I am not sure why as there was fresh food and water...the cat tray was empty and clean and te window was open. Now as I type this up and awake ... shes on my lap asleep... i dunno...WOMEN !!!!

Well thats about it for the moment.. I am gonna try and get uptodate on your LJ's today and tomorrow and then should be able to remain so...so look out for me..and hope to chat to you soon...and look forward to some of the people who removed me for reasons they explained....to come back and see me ... Until then tho....nite just for now :-)

PS ... I added something to my info page....so go look...and if you wanna...feel free to oblige :-P

My Dad's In His New Home Now

2003-09-01T21:28:47Z

Hi everyone

I not long got home from my mums where we all spent the day after going to bury my dads ashes in the cemetry where my mum bought the plot of land. My whole family with the exception of one of my nephews was there... just as my mum placed the urn into the ground... the sun came from behind a cloud and shined so brightly.... My sister said it was my dad smiling down on us. I then filled the hole in to make him comfy and we placed some of the flowers from his funeral around him...and hes now settled in ... and we will go to visit it often....

I guess now begins the next chapter in my life... but for certain the memories and love for my dad will never ever be forgotten. He would have wanted us to carry on with our own lives and not stop and be sad for ages and ages... I dont know if I am going to be able to trully enjoy myself for sometime to come though... but I will try ... Also from tomorrow I am going to try nd be as active as I used to be online and on LJ..so be warned that comments will be flyng around... and updates a plenty... and hopefully most of them will be about nice..and happy things... rather than the pain and sufferring I have been through the past 6 months. Just before I go i want to thank you all for you love, care and understanding during this time... and you all trully do mean very very much to me... THANK YOU. So until next time then.... nite just for now

Until We Meet Again, Dad.... I Will Love You For Ever And Always

2003-08-29T22:45:01Z

Hi Everyone

This is just a short update to say that i just got home after going to my dads funeral today and that I am '' ok '' as much as ok can be in these circumstances. There were a large amount of family and friends there and it was the first ever funeral I have been to. I along with my 3 brother in laws carried my dad's coffin into the chapel... I was shocked as to how heavy it was and that coupled with the fact I was weak from sadness and trying to stay strong... I didnt think I was going to be able to make it all the way ....but the determination and wanting to carry him got us there. My dad was cremated and two of my sisters read out the words that we had written in memory of my dad...and were very strong in doing so...I know I would never have been able to have read any of them out... He had loads of flowers but also alot of people have given my mum a cheque which we asked them to do....and we will then be donating the money from those to the Intensive Care Unit where my dad spent much of the past 5 1/2 months...and who did all they could to try and save him. Apart from a couple of them....the flowers are all being taken to a local church. On Monday my family will be burying my dads ashes in a plot of land and it will be a place where we can go to visit my dad whenever we want too... especially of course on his birthday ..fathers day...and Christmas. I am going to my sisters tomorrow evening and be home Sunday ..then to my mums and to bury the ashes on Monday. I may get to update Sunday but if not will either Monday night or Tuesday and it will be from then on that I will hopefully be on much more often. Until next time tho....Nite just for now

I Can't See My Dad

2003-08-27T19:28:32Z

Hi everyone

I got a phone call today from my mum to tell me that the undertaker phoned her to say that we can NOT go see my dad in the chapel now as he isn't in a fit state to be seen...I so badly wanted to see him one last time and I know my mum and most of my family wanted to aswell. I am not sure of the exact reason but they said that he was hygenic enough or something. My guess is that where he was so full of fluid in his tissues before he died....that basically now they have drained away... he is probably no more than just skin and bones... I guess its better not to see him if he isnt recognisable...but it doesnt make the pain any easier.

I am going to my mums in the morning and will be staying with her tomorrow night and then the funeral is on Friday at 3:20 pm GMT. I expect to be home sometime Friday evening but not 100 % certain yet. I will update again as soon as I can .. and from next week should hopefully be commenting again..so beware for loads ... Anyway .. until next time then..I will say Nite just for now

My Words For My Dad

2003-08-26T14:09:30Z

Hi everyone

Today i have had to tell my sister the words which i want to be read out at my dads funeral. I really didnt know what to say but after a long chat on the phone with Jen she told me to think of the good things and things that made me laugh. So this is what I have come up with. Before I post it tho I want to say again that anybody who dont feel they can read it doesnt have to...thats why i have put it under an LJ Cut.

You were always there for me when I needed help or advice and always cared about things I did or spoke about. I wont ever forget some of your rituals, like your chicken curry on a friday night and always watching the 9 o'clock news. Silly they may seem but they are things I always think about. Of course you had many many great qualities and you trully were a dad in a million and I will think about you everyday and love you forever. I Love You dad and I'm proud to be your son. For the memories and the happiness you gave me.... to use one of your phrases ... '' Thanks very much, ta ''

I will write again soon...Thanx again everyone for your care and help and for being my friends .... until next time... nite just for now

Short Update

2003-08-26T08:32:21Z

Hi everyone

I would like to once again thank everybody who has emailed / commented and chatted to me over the past week since my dad died... You all really do mean very much to me and I will be forever grateful to have you as my friends. I know some of you removed me from your friends lists because of things I was saying bringing back memories of your own... and I apolgise for doing that to you...but I am glad that some of you re added me..and hopefully some or all the others will too. I will be making some more updates during this week...and espescially after the funeral on friday and the private ceremony on Monday ..but after that I will try not to write too much more which might upset any of you.

Even though its almost a week now....the fact my dad is no longer with us has not really sunk in. I have been told it can take days...weeks..months... Its a bit like after you visit the dentist I guess...your mouth is numb for ages...then suddenly it wears off and the pain hits you...I think thats how this must be...i know is going to hit me sometime..just not when...but my thoughts think that if not before...its likely to be Thursday when i see him in the chapel or friday at the funeral...

Anyway just wanted to let you all know im still here and that I will be around to chat and update and comment again VERY soon.... until next time tho... Nite just for now

Thankyou Everyone

2003-08-22T10:41:19Z

Hi everyone

I want to thank all of you who commented on my last entry and those of you who sent me emails. Your support and care throughout my dad's illness has been wonderful and I will forever appreciate it. I will be back reading and commenting very soon and I am looking forward to being much more active again.

My dads funeral will be taking place next Friday 29th August and then on the Monday after we are having a private cerermony for just my family ( as in my mum, 3 sisters and brother in laws and my nephews and nieces ) ...where we are going to the small plot of land my mum has bought to bury the ashes. We have decided on this so that we will have a special place to go to lay flowers etc rather than the Garden Of Rememberence.

I still don't think the full extent of whats happened has sunk in for me yet... I am sad and I think numb in general.... maybe when the numbness wears off is when it will hit... and also at the funeral... I don't know. What I do know though is that I have all your support...love care and thoughts and as I said already its something I will never forget.

Thankyou all again...... Michael

Goodbye My Wonderful Dad, I Will Love You Forever

2003-08-19T23:17:23Z

Hi everyone,

This is just a short entry to say that at 2:30 pm British Summer Time on Tuesday 19th August 2003 my dad passed away. It has ended 5 1/2 months of illness and sufferring for him and I am sure he is now in a place looking down on us all and will continue to care about us and protect us as he has done all our lives. I am going to write a more detailed entry below that you may or may not wish to read so i have put it under an LJ Cut. If any of you want to email me I would appreciate it so much.... my email address is invisiblemeuk@aol.com

We were told by the consultant yesterday afternoon that medically there was nothing else they could offer him as far as improving his condition. The fact was his liver had all but failed, his kidneys were for the 4th or 5th time just about given up and his lungs were detriorating quickly too, he was on 65 % oxygen through the ventilator. They were also giving him a huge amount of blood, plasma and platelets which are all blood products but they were simply leaking out from him. When my mum arrived last night ( she had gone to see her new baby grandaughter for the afternoon ) her, two of my sisters and myself ( the sister who had the baby on friday obviosly wasnt there but we asked by phone her choice ) were spoken to by the consultant who told us there was nothing else they could do and that the treatment would be stopped but only when we said to enable anybody we wanted to be able to go and see him for the last time. We decided last night to wait until today and we also decided then that we wanted it to be as qucikly as possible once the drugs and ventilator was switched off. They said they could just stop the blood pressure drug and keep him on the ventilator but it could be a few days, or they could swicth everything off and let him go naturally but if he showed any sign of distress they would either sedate him or use morphine.

One of my sisters and brother in laws picked me up at 9:30 am and we arrived at the hospital at just after 10 am. two of my aunts arrived at 11 ( my dads sisters ). My other sister ( not the one who just had the baby because it was already decided she would not be coming ) said she would be there but that she really didnt want to see my dad. At just after 12 midday we were all in the room and after several cries from my mum she suddenly asked about my dads wedding ring, which he had given to her the day he went in for the operation ( 2nd march ) and whether she should give it back to him. She broke down crying heavily and both my sister and I said that she should keep it because if he had wanted it back he would have asked for it the day he went home in June. My sister also said then '' do you think we should stop it now '' to my mum and myself...as it was just prolonging the enevitable and making us all suffer. We all agreed but said we would ask my sister one more time so we phoned her and she said she would be there but to go ahead and switch everything off. At 12:15 the drugs for his blood pressure was stopped and the ventilator disconnected. He still had the tube down his throat and was on a minimal amount of air to keep him comfortable.

What followed was 2 of the worst hours of my life as we were all sat around my dad waiting for him to leave us. We had been told it could be minutes or it could be days altho the later was unlikley simply because he was so sick. My other sister arrived at 2 pm closely followed by my mum and dads closest friends. At 2:20 pm my mum felt a leak on her skirt and they discovered he was leaking fluids from around the line that was in him and so decided quite rightly to change his sheets and bedding.. At this point his bllod pressure was very very low and his oxygen saturation level was just above 80 % where as normal is between 96 to 100 %. We were asked to leave the room except for my mum. At 2:28 pm one of the nurses came to get us and as we walked into the room I instantly saw his oxygen level on the screen was blank and that his blood pressure and heart rate were almost zero. My mum, two sisters and two aunts managed to hold a small part of his hand shoulder or arm as he took a few more final breaths before he was still and silent except for one soiltary tear than came from his left eye. At 2:30 pm my dad passed away peacefully and as naturally as is possible. He never regained consciousness after being put on the ventilator almost 2 weeks ago and we are all as su re as is possible that he was not in any pain or distress durng his final hours.

After the initial minutes after we were allowed to sit in a little room whilst they clenaed him up more and removed all the pipes and tubes so that we could all go in one last time. I asked if I could go in alone and spent almost 15 minutes with him. I have never seen a dead person before and i so hope its a very very long time before i see another. I wont go into anymore details now as I have tried to be strong writing this not only for you all but this will be something I will want to keep for myself. I wont ever forget it but I will always have it written down. My two sisters have gone to my mums house with her tonight as we felt the sooner we got her back there the better for her it would be. She has already said though that she doesnt want to move and wants to carry on with things they had planned as far as do things to their garden and other things which i trully hope she does do.

I will write again soon, I dont know any details about funeral arrangements or anything else at the moment. I know my dad will be watching over us though and I know he will never stop caring for and loving us as he did his whole life. I LOVE YOU DAD, I will never ever stop loving you and I will never forget you because I know on day we will all be together again. I LOVE YOU DADDY

R I P Frank Eric Crisp ... 17th April 1936 - 19th August 2003

Im an Uncle Again

2003-08-16T19:13:21Z

hi everyone

Last night I became an uncle again for the 10th time. My sister had a baby girl at 7:30 pm and she weighed 6 lbs 6 oz and is called Grace. I have 5 nephews and 5 nieces now.

Of course her birth comes at a time of worry and despair as my dad is still in intensive care critcally ill. On wednesday evening / night his heart rate went down to zero at least 10 times and they resuscitated him via the adrenalin being put into his line that goes straight into his artery. The nurses and doctors didnt expect him to last the night but he has once again proved us all wrong and is still with us but only just. The past couple of days he has stablelised again but is still on the ventilator and several antibiotics and is being given boold, plasma and platelets several times a day. The DVT is still in his leg from groin to calf but the rest of his blood is so thin, thats why theres so much of a problem. They cant thin the blood anymore to help the clot as basically its just coming straight out again. At the same time they cant thinken it as they are worried about more clots. He still has sceptisemia and the MRSA is now in his nose and throat. I don't know how much longer he will be able to keep fighting but I know he hasnt given up and nor have the nurses and doctors and no matter what happens we all know they have tried their best.

Once again i am sorry I havnt been around LJ and I know now that several people have removed me from their friendlist ..and thats really sad but its their choice and if they ever want to come back i will welcome them. I really will try and get back to reading and commenting very soon..I promise... but until next time..nite just for now

Just hanging On

2003-08-10T07:41:15Z

Hi everyone

Thanks to those of you who commented on my last post and for your best wishes and thoughts etc. My dad is still just about hanging on but hes now on a ventilator ( which basically is breathing for him ) and the kidney machine again ( which he was on and off of last time ) along with numerous drugs to fight the sceptisemia, blood pressure , MRSA, pneumonia and the DVT. At the moment its the DVT thats causing the most concern as parts of it keep breaking off and at least twice they have gotten into his lung which almost resulted in us losing him but each time they have managed to keep him here and stablise him. He needs a scan to determine if the DVT has moved but is too unwell to be moved even for that to be done. Hes sedated all the time now, hasnt spoken since Wednesday night. I ant to be there but its just impossible to sit there all the time. Its exhausting and the weather here isnt helping at all ( being very hot ). My mum has now gotten a room at the hospital which is understandable at the moment. To be absolutly honest I don't think he can take much more nr get any worse at all, we can only hope that somehow he can find the strength to fight the multiple things he has wrong now.

I will update you all again soon and once again apologise for not being on much nor reading / commenting on your LJ's. I know a few people have removed me from their friends lists and that has made me very sad but in the end its their choice and I cant do anything about that. So until next time, nite just for now

My Dad Is Vey Sick Again

2003-08-06T07:48:53Z

Hi everyone

Once again I am so sorry for not beign around but I will soon i promise... I just need to sort my life out and then I will be back ... I am writing now though to tell you all that my dad went back into Intensive care last night. He went back into hospital 3 weeks ago sufferring from dehydration but last wednesday the doctors were saying he should be on his way home last friday. However he was weak and having trouble walking so he remained in and then they discovered he had MRSA ( the superbug thing that is transmitted through open wounds ) This in itself isnt a major problem as he could be allowed home with it. Anyway my mum phoned me sunday night to say he was fine and had been up doing little walks ( as he was in a side ward to stop other patients getting the MRSA ). The next time I spoke to my mum was Monday night at 10:30 pm when she said sorry it was so late but she didnt leave the hospital until 9 pm as dad wasnt well. They had done a scan on his leg and discovered he had DVT ( deep vein thrombosis ) which is basically a blood clot. He was also having trouble breathing propely. Then at 3:10 am yesterday morning, just as I had gotten up for work, the phone rang and it was my sister saying the hospital just phoned and said my dad was being transfered to the High Dependancy ward and that he was very poorly and maybe we should all go up there. We arrived about 4 am and he really didnt '' look '' to bad .. his face was more full and he looked more like my old dad and inbetween osing he was very alert and talkative. There was a scare when his heart rate went up to 170 for a few seconds but when they contacted the doctor he said it was because of the drugs they were giving him to get his blood pressure up which was extremly low. He gradually stabalised during the morning and then had a CT scan and seemed to be ok ( ish ) when I left him at 1 pm ( the rest of my family had gone home to have a rest and were going back later ) He was due to have an ultra ound scan at 3 pm and when I left the results of the CT scan were unknown.

At 7:30 pm last nite my sister phoned to say he was being transferred to ICU as they wasnt sure if he would need to go on the ventilator. She also said that the problems were that part of the DVT had broken off and gone into his lungs ( hence the breathing problem ) but also he had sceptisemia ( blood poisoning ) again but they didnt know where it was coming from. She said they would let me know if the doctors thought we should all go but I spoke to my other sister a bit later as they were coming home and she told me he was'' comfortable '' and looked ok... BUT that the nurses said the looks were very deceiving and he was VERY VERY sick and the liklihood was that he would get worse before getting better.She also said they did another test and have discovered he has slight pnemonia too... so basically hes got 4 major problems all at the same time ( DVT, Sceptisemia, pnemonia and MRSA )

I just spoke to my mum this mornign and she said the hospital just told her he was comfortable. I am going up there shortly to see him again and will let you know anythign more later today. Once again i will very soon get back to updating and reading your LJ's as soon as I can

She Came Home !!!!!!!!!

2003-07-18T06:14:06Z

Hi everyone

Just letting you know that Dokic came home :-) It was about 2 am that i felt a kitten jumping on me and it woke me up and then I heard playing fighting and then yes...there it was...two jumps on me.... I looked and felt and there were both kittens playing together... I don't know where she had been, maybe she just went exploring for a day, maybe she got lost maybe she got shut in someones house I don't know but i hope she or Jelena doesnt do it again. I don't mind them going out for a few hours but not a whole day ...

I spoke to my mum last night and she said that the scan my dad had yesterday didnt show anything bad up, hes not got the X Ray results yet though and the tests he was supposed to be having when he went there today wont be taking place until next week so hes going to be in there at last another week i would guess but the truth is I and my mum said the same think its better for him to stay there and be made better rather than go home again and then end up having to go in in a few weeks once again.

Last but not least for now...I finally managed to get my Wimbledon photos online so anyone wanting to see them look here My Wimbledon Pics
I am also going to put the link on my info page

Well I will update again later and as I keep saying will try and read / comment and get uptodate on all your LJ's very soon. Until then though... Night just for now

I Knew I Would Be Punished For Being Happy

2003-07-17T12:02:46Z

Hi everyone

As you have probably noticed I havent been updating / commenting much .. The fact is not really had a lot to write about and just havent had the chance to get uptodate on your journals. I will though eventually... However... as my title says ... it seems that as normal I am now being punished for being happy a couple of weeks ago..

On Tuesday morning I got a phone call from my mum to say my dad was going into hospital as he was dehydrated and needed to go on the drip... Hes had diorhea and being sick almost continualy for the past couple of weeks. Well he went in Tuesday and then yesterday when i spoke to my mum she said that he had a very very high temperature and was too weak to even sit up. I spoke to her again this morning nd she said she had phoned the hospital and that he was a little better...his temperature had gone down a bit.. but that he had also been up and down to the toilet all night still. Today he is having several tests and scans to try and find out whats causing it and why hs just not getting better at all... My sister said the other night when I spoke to her that when she saw him last friday he looked ghastly and even more skinny...altho of course this is due to him being sick all the time... I will find out more tonight and will let you know.

The second bit or bad news and punishment is that one of my kittens is missing. Because its been so hot here and basically because they were ripping my net curtains, i decided that I would have to have the windows open wider than the little amount they were up until Monday. Monday and Tuesday they just went in and out and in the bushes under my bedroom window...and could both easily jump up and get in again..so i didnt worry too much. Yesterday when I got home from work they went out and throughout the evening they were coming in and out. I was getting ready to go to bed around 10:30 pm last night and one of them came in so I fully expected the other one to join us shortly... as i had seen them runnign around together a few minutes before. That was the last time I saw her. One slept with me until I got up at 3 am ... then i had to go to work but i left the window open but when I got home around 10 am there was only the one in here. I had a look round but there was and is no sign of her... It may be shes just havign a really good time but Im sure by now she must be tired and hungry... I want her back... I really miss her and I know her sister does too...shes not let me out of her sight since I been home and keeps meowing proper meows where as before they both only did really quiet ones. I will have a nother walk round in a bit and if shes not home by tonight will make some leaflet thoings to put up in the communal hallways of the blocks around to ask if anyone sees her to let me know. Hopefully tho she will come home soon..or I will find her on my next look around.

I will let you know about both of these... I knew that I would be punished for being happy... as I always am... but why why why does it have to involve my dad and my kitten...they have done nothing wrong.... PLEASE let my dad be ok...and please let my kitten come home / be found safe and well.. PLEASE

I will update again later and I really will get back to bing a proper LJ'er soon..i promise... right now though I am feeling lowest of the low... Im sorry again for not being around... please all forgive me...and please all think / wish / pray that both my dad and kitten are ok

Wimbledon Ladies

2003-07-05T12:08:39Z

Hi everyone

As i said I would ... heres two lists...the first of my top ten lolvies and the second of the top ten ''new'' stars to watch out for in my opinion over the next couple of years. The second list wont include Jelena or Kim Clijsters etc..as they are already established. Here we go then ... ill put them under an LJ so it doesnt fill your friends pages up :-P

My Top Ten Lovelies :-)

1. Jelena Dokic
2. Kim Clijsters
3. Vera Zvonereva
4. Ansley Cargill
5. Marion Bartolli
6. Barbora Strycova
7. Karolina Sprem
8. Carly Gullickson
9. Angelique Widjaja
10. Ashley Hackleroad

My Top Ten Stars Of The Next Few Years

1. Vera Zvonereva
2. Karolina Sprem
3. Maria Sharapova
4. Ashley Hackleroad
5. Barbora Strycova
6. Angelique Widjaja
7. Carly Gullickson
8. Nadia Petrova
9. Svetlana Kuznetsova
10. Dinara Safina

There you are... letes see if Im right...if any / all these will be in the top 20 at some point between now and 2005 :-)

Still Here :-)

2003-07-05T11:48:19Z

Hi everyone

Once again I been a very bad LJ'er but I can assure you I am still around altthough unfortunatly not been able to get uptodate as I hoped and now my holidays are over and I back to work tomorrow :-( I will try my very best tho to get back to commenting and I do try and read as many of your lj's as possible but I WILL get back to how I used to be.

My dad had to go back to the hospital on friday as when the nurse went to see him thursday she said he was jaundice. They did some scans on his liver and some more blood tests and he has to go back in a couple more weeks for another scan. I just wish it would all stop and that he can get 100 % better again.

The kittens are still driving me mad but at the same time I love their company ...I guess they just being typical kittens.

My Wimbledon experience is over for another year. i didnt go again this week as the weather here has been so crap plus most of the players I like got knocked out in the first week. I am going to do a seperate post in a minute of my faveorites in both ' looks' and who i think are going to be BIG stars in the next couple of years. I will add it to my memories too so you acn all check back in a few years to see if I was right :-)

I was listening to the radio last night and I heard a song that made me tingle as only some songs do the very first time you hear them. I came online and downloaded it right away and if you havnt heard it I suggest listenign out for it. I know that many of you like different kinds of music but please see what you think and how this makes you feel. Its called Dance With My Father and its by Luther Vandross .. heres the lyrics

Dance With My Father

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

I hope you enjoyed that .. its a very sad song and I think its going to be a massive hit here in the UK.

Anyway im gong to go sulk now as my holidays are over < cries > but I will update again very soon ( after my following wimbledon ladies one ) and will get to read / comment and be fully uptodate with all your LJ's too... until then tho...nite just for now ....

Not Such A Good Day

2003-06-28T18:29:46Z

Hi everyone

Not such a good day today as jelena lost both in the singles and doubles and her Wimbledon is over for another year but at least she has left me with wonderful memories and of course her autograph and pictures... She lost to the new '' wonderkid '' on the scene... 16 year old Maria Sharapova and in the bookies eyes she was the favorite to beat Jelena anyway even though its her first Grand Slam. She did play well and one break in each set saw her win 6 - 4 6 - 4. Shes touted as the new Kournikova as i mentioned before but again as I said then...the main difference is she can play tennis !!!!!!!! I wish her luck for the rest of the tournament... and of course my attention now turns towards Kim Clijsters to hopefully win but also I hope that Vera Zvonereva can whip Venus Williams in the next round and do well too..

I spoke to my mum and my dad got on ok at the hospital yesterday ..he has to go back in 3 weeks for another check up but I spoke to her not long ago and hes in bed shivering even though its warm here ... he was also sick last nite....Hes far from better and Im still worried...i just wish he could start showing more signs of getting better.

I still not got uptodate as ur aware but I will soon... i promise... and i will update again here tomorrow...but until then... nite just for now

A Wonderful Wonderful Day :-)

2003-06-27T12:25:52Z

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Hi everyone :-))))))))))))

Yesterday has got to rank as one of the best days of my life.... I still can't believe it was real... I keep thinking I will wake up soon :-) But I have the pictures and the writing to prove it was real. After 4 years of waiting and hoping I finally managed to get Jelena's autograph and here it is to prove it :-)

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0VgANA40ax4*ZpQkMYmTRikZyfhgSS1K4wBVhZ*8C2pWgbjnTdfx!W69cYa*i9BVe38*YoeO93gLQQ4Nq47qgIlSX81!EeT7DOYJ*ITKFBT6JCS9Sij6D1El8cuLPemJL/JelenasAuto030626.JPG?dc=4675427885757116918>

I am going to put the rest behind an LC as its pretty long but please read it and look at the pictures... then you can share in one of the best days of my life...and hopefully feel some of my happiness for yourself...

<lj-cut text="My Wonderful Day">

I will start with the absolute highlight and that was getting Jelena's autograph. I was right by the place they enter / leave the court which whilst it doesnt offer the best view and you are behind the umpires chair, I purposely went there in the hope of getting her autograph. At the end of the match the security people were there ready to whisk her away but she signed 4 or 5 autographs and YES ..at last i got it and its something I am going to treasure for the rest of my life a moment to last in my memory :-))))))))))))))))

Let me go back to the begining of the day now.... It started off not too good as whilst in the queue it rained for about 20 mins and didnt look too promising altho better weather was promised for the afternoon. However when i got into the grounds the sun was out again and the rest of the day was lovely as it has been the 3 days I been this week. Actually out of the 8 times I have been over the last 4 years Ive only had to sit through one rain delay which lasted about 2 hours so I have been very lucky.

So I got into the grounds around 1115 and as there wasnt really any matches I wanted to see at the beining I decided to go to the autograph tent / practice court entrance place and hang around hoping to get some photos and autographs.... Was I rewarded ??? YES I was... I managed to get autographs and pictures of many big names.... Autographs from Tim Henman ...Rogerer Federer....Andy Roddick...Mark Philopoussis and pictures of Henman..Federer... Philopoussis... Jenifer Capriati.... Venus Williams... Rafael Nadal and also saw Serena Williams and James Blake. Then at 1 pm I saw that Kim Clijsters ( my second fave tennis player and female hero ) was going to be in the autograph tent. I managed to get a couple of photos of her and her autograph which is right here

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0WwDyAp8cNUXplfBooW0F0NZEeQRxiUNikjMJD0bfVZD!rHH2ZsClD6IpviitcjhcDG*EH744DSoQxEOlGCYiQHM3hzLOHpZGCU1SMD6MCtM4Va3fpKqbb0NwPzROTG83mJvtRIkS1UA/KimClijstersAuto030626.JPG?dc=4675427885763007386>

and this is one of her photos and one of Tim Henman

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0VwBaKPEaoK1i9S0MposyUEa90wD9ST4laP*m1VxAzsUv2QWIDm5!5kMyDlkHmz5JWCjEq49kB*b*BWiV2KM5yDSQ6Txk6Lgzif8KK03pmszAp*sGhp4NabHQYzgNI!S5/KClijsters01030626.jpg?dc=4675427885760319054>

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Kim is certainly a wonderful lady as you can see from the smile...and she said Hello when you went to her and after siging I said thanx and she said '' your welcome '' .. she always has time for people unlike Venus Williams who oince again signed one autograph and ignored everybody else the same as on Monday. Tim Henman is another great guy as far as dealing with the public ...he spent a lot of time signing autographs...

I thought that was going to be the highlight of my day ( getting Kims autograph ) but as I walked away I looked over to the practice court and saw Jelena there. I made my way over to the viewing platform and was so close ...I took lots of pics and this is one of the best....

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0UwBgNEgZPyLZpQkMYmTRikLnIYYyZPp6oMUrTMXgzx27R09LYqwxckacLE0rx0kJ7S!vCWfh3GERIGVeYazeAaHpYMqxe7*ieSq5WKUC0YHLT*usQxn!cv1d7EaqV*Zq/Jelena07030626.jpg?dc=4675427885750054082>

After she left i hoped to get her autograph then but she went round the other way and so my chance had gone. I then decided to go and watch some tennis and stopped by a couple of matches keeping an eye and ear open for the score of the game on number 4 court with preceeded jelenas so that i could ensure I was there in time. It was actually pretty bad planning by the organisers as on court 3 Mark philopoussis was playing who, after the exit of Lleyton Hewit is the top ranked Australian player left and theres always a large aussie following and so the gangway between courts 3 and 4 was already packed ( its only about 10 feet wide ) But at the end of the preceeding match on court 4 I managed to get to the position i hoped right at the entrance to where the players go on / leave. I already said about it at the begining but once again just want to say it really is somethign I been dreaming of for the past 4 years.

After the match I was in a dream like state and wandered about glimpsing some other games before deciding to go to court 14 to watch a ladies doubles match involving Chandra Rubin ( my tip to win the singles actually although of course I WANT Jelena too.. if not Kim ) and Daniela Hatchoucova...the girl thats been all over the paers because of her weight ( or lack of it ). There was a game between two blokes playing and a big crowd and I couldnt even get to see from any of the entrances..I guess alot of people had the same idea as me to watch the ladies after it. However it was getting late ...around 6:30 ) when the guy losing...won a tie break to take the match into a final set... At this point i decided to have a walk round and then intended to leave but I got to court 4 and saw a pair of british ladies were playing..I also saw that court 3 was empty of players but an umpire and linespeople were there which meant an extra match was going to be played there ...and then they announced it was to be the very match I was hoping to see on court 14 :-) It was a good match and a great end to the day seeing two more top ladies in action

It was then the long walk back to the station and long journey home ( it takes around 2 hours ) but its a day i will never ever forget and I just hope that you all feel at least a little happy for me... :-) Heres a couple of pics of Jelena from Tuesday and yesterday ...i wish i could post more on a website but not sure how...so if anyone can help me ..please do

Jelena walking off court

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0UwDKAkkZiiLZpQkMYmTRit!!*5Iz*4sM8Bj6VBz6pz0R8uUS5L2dGTFveLupMppXn2vsTMXacVZWb0w9OHK!gRAo!I4qlHCQMMJEq60HHZ3jwUhS4zUiaIjGyrFVXFQk/Jelena17030626.jpg?dc=4675427885754353822>

Jelena in action

<img src=http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0UwDyAkEZRiDZpQkMYmTRirb0lNP5doOzLL32elfNsK*wAImaU43*PCKdLqyQeoESgY8IdV9*WIebXuiGEIZGq2hwkd4UtEfV9heQgDW6MvB0xkVFQIhxcIwRK3ZGsjzH/Jelena11030624.jpg?dc=4675427889970320762>

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My dad is still pretty much the same...hes at the hospital today getting the results of last weeks tests...i so hope that they are all ok and that nothing happens to bring me down from the happiness I am feeling right now after my week at Wimbledon. I will let you know either later or tomorrow how things went. Hope you enjoyed this update...I will get uptodate with all yours over the next few days ...I will not comment on every entry...probably just leave a comment on the latest but I will read them ... and then hopefully once I am back uptodate I should be able to comment as much as I used to.... Until next time tho .... nite just for now :-)

Day Two At Wimbledon ... Go Jelena !

2003-06-25T11:36:25Z

Hi everyone :-))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

As you can see I am very happy writing this.... albeit now wednesday morning I was just too tired to write last night. As you may have guessed not only did Jelena win but I also got to see her playing and had a nice seat too just inside the baseline so lots of nice close up views :-) I also took loads and loads of pictures and I will be posting some here from both days soon ... altho I would like to post many more on a website so if anyone knows of somewhere and how to do it please let me know ???

I left home the same time as Monday and got to the end of the queue approximatly 7:45 am. The main difference was that it was glorius sunshine and already t-shirt weather. I knew that it was going to be touch and go whether I got a place on court 13 and so when I got in through the gates I headed straight there even though it was only 10:45 am and play didnt start until midday. When I got there it was already packed out but i spied a couple of seats and was told one was free so there i parked my botty for the next 3 1/2 hours. At around 12:05 the players came onto court, Britains Elena Baltacha, whom in all other circumstances I would have been supporting, and of course my wonderful, gorgeous Jelena. Baltacha won her first service game and then immediatly broke Jelena and I thought '' oh no...please don't let this happen ''. Gradually though Jelena pulled her socks up and eventually won the first set 6 - 3 then had a disater in the second losing 1 - 6 before finally breaking Baltacha in the 10th game of the 3rd set to win by 6- 4. A great start to the day with lots of photos as I said but no chance of an autograph from where I was sitting but maybe I will be able to tomorrow if I go again which is very likely. After her match i then stretched my legs a bit before going to see Karolina Sprem who was the young lady who knocked Jelena out of the French Open a couple of weeks back. She's going to be another HUGE player in the future. Most of the rest of the day I was walking around on a high from having seen Jelena but I watched some other matches and saw a very one sided game between Mary Pierce and Ainsley Cargil, whom I must say is pretty cute < wink > I got quite a few pictures of her too but sadly she suffered the worst possible 6 - 0 6 - 0 defeat. Shes only tho and hopefully will improve in the nera future

Ive decided not to go today mainly because I am so tired but also because there are only a couple of people I wanted to see although Jelna is due to play in the doubles but its the last scheduled match on court 19 and theres possibilty of showers later so im hoping that maybe it wont get played and will be tomorrow instead. I am almost certainly going again tomorrow...possibly Friday too and a small chance Monday ...will just see how things progress and whos playing where

Onto other news .. I have spoken to my mum the past two evenings on the way home and my dad is still pretty much the same. Im not sure which day he goes to the hospital to get his results but I will let you know how he gets on. Not much else to tell you.... I will post some pictures hopefully later... and as Ive said before hopefully will get caught up on ur LJ's over the weekend or during next week. So until next time... please contiue to shout and support for Jelena ...just for me please.... and who knows... she may just create a shock and win.... I think thats being VERY optimistic considering her recent form and the fact she will almost certainly face Henin in the 1/4 final and Serena Williams in the Semi final and then probably Kim Clijsters in the final... but I will be happy if she can make the 1/4 final at least and on paper she really shouldnt have too many problems as her 4th round potential seeded opponent, Amelie Mauresmo withdrew before they started and her place is taken by a Russian I never heard of.... Her second round match is against a swiss player called Emanuelle Gigliardi ....Anyway ... until next time... Nite just for now

Day 1 At Wimbledon

2003-06-23T22:34:13Z

Hi everyone

Im home after the first long exhausting day at Wimbledon and altho I wasnt especially looking forward to it as most of the players I wanted to see are in action tomorrow or were on show courts, it turned into a pretty good day with the highlight being seeing Kim Clijsters entering the competitors place and also Venus Williams at the same place...altho Im not a great fan of hers its still good to see the real top players. I managed to get photos of both of them which i will pop up on here in a couple of days ( probably wednesday as I doubt I will be going then ) Among other people I saw fleeting glimpses of were Andy Roddick, Justine Henin, Taylor Dent, and a couple of others. I also saw loads in action ...some for justa few minutes but some for longer and these include Vera Zvonereva ( shes going to be HUGE ) Daniela Bedanova, Tatiana Poutchek, Angelique Widjaja ( She won the juniors a couple of years ago and again is going to be Huge ) and lots more. I also saw some men but I wasnt really interested in them if you know what i mean .!!

The day started rather bleak as it had been raining on and off through the night and on the train on the way there it really hammered it down and when I got off at earls Court ( where I had to chnage trains ) to go get my Mc D's it was still piddling something rotten. However by the time I got to the station where i needed to get off.... a trip of about 15 minutes it had stopped and I reached the end of the queue at just after 7:30 am and it was way way shorter than previous times and because of there not being overnight waiting along certain parts of the road it was moved along every so often which is good because even move a few yards every few minutes is better than standing still for a few hours. The gates officially open at 10:30 am however at 10:15 i was on the bridge which is almost at the gates and could see people inside but they were being kept in one area...I think the reason was because of the stricter security they had opened the main gates earlier. Throughout the waiting it had spitted and spotted with rain but once I was inside the sun broke out and was out practicaly for the rest of the day and play was uninterrupted

So thats basically the story of my first day there and tomorrow promises to be even better with my Jelena in action and the magnificent news is that she is playing on court 13...maybe not the best number but its a court with unreserved seating so theres a more than fair chnace I will get to see her game in full and the added bonus is that Tim Henman is first on No 1 court albeit that game starts an hour later... but hopefully people will be watching that on the big screen. Of the other ladies I hoped to see two of the matches are on show courts...2 others are at the same time as Jelena and then a couple of the others are second matches on..so its not really worked out the best but hopefully after seeing Jelena win i can wizz around and get a glimpse or two of the others. I just hope that it will be my chance to get her autograph too bcause thats the one thing I would cherish forever

I will update again tomorrow then hopefully with good news but until then...please wish Jelena the very best of luck... my sweetheart ...you can do it....

Me Again

2003-06-22T19:38:03Z

Hi everyone

Thanx again for your comments and hope you are all ok. My dad got on OK at the hospital, he has to go back later this week for results of some blood tests and swab tests from his wounds but hopefully they will all be ok.

I was told in a comment by Julie that I sghould stop calling the kittens kittens and call them cats... well if they keep on being as naughty as they are now...I will be calling them something that isnt printable here .. !!!!!!!!!!! They are ok I spose.. just being kittens...

I am off to Wimbledon tomorrow and probably the rets of the week although maybe not Wednesday. The draw has been pretty bad for me as I think i mentioned the other day . There was about 15 ladies I wanted to see ( without Clijsters and Capriatti whom I am pretty certain I wont see as they will be on show courts ) and only two or 3 are playing tomorrow. The rest will be playing Tuesday and Thursday ( if they win ) so unless the doubles starts weds then I probably will have a rest day. Jelena is among those playing Tuesday and well with 12 of them I want to see I doubt I will get to see them all but of course she is top of my list ... maybe somehow it will work out that they play at different times and i can get at least a glimpse of them all and some pictures and autographs...

Anyway i will try and do a brief update when I get home tomorrow... at the moment Im still feeling crap and seeing the order of play for tomorrow certainly didnt make me feel better... i am thinking about NOT going but then I have been looking forward to it all yera ..well for 50 weeks..especially after what happened last year when my dads digital camera got broke... i will be holding onto it VERY tight this time.

Ok then.. i miss you all and as I said last time I will hopefully be back to updating and reading / commenting everyday from next weekend...and I will try and update most nights this week too... until next time tho...nite just for now

Its Only Me

2003-06-19T21:17:21Z

Hi everyone

I guess its been along time since I updated here and I really am very sorry for not being here or reading / commenting on your LJ's :-( I would love to say that everythign was ok with me and that I would be back happy and cheerful and all that but sadly its not the case...I am still feeling very very down :-( Hopefully things will be alot better next week as firstly I am on holidays from work and secondly and more importantly its Wimbledon and I will be going most of next week possibly having one days rest inbetween but depends how things go there etc. Its already gotten off to a bad start though as Jelena has been drawn against the British number 1 player ( Elena Baltacha ) and whislt she should beat her ( although she is currently in horrendous form ) the odds are pretty certain thta it will be played on a show court which I wont have access too. Also a few of the other ladies I wanted to see have been either drawn against big names which again means they will be on show courts..or drawn against each other which I huess means at least 2 will go through but it also means less matches for me to really want to see. Still i guess we will see what happens and only hope thta nothing goes wrong like last year when my dads digital camera got knocked out of my hands and broke... I ended up only going one day as I was so shit feeling over that. Depending on how I am feeling I will try and update each nite but they are long days ( usually leave home around 5:30 am and get home again between 9 pm and 11 pm ) I doubt I will get time to comment much though but the second week of wimbledon i dont usually go and am still on holidays then so all being well I will try and get back on track and uptodate then.

As far as other things are concerned.... My dad is still pretty much the same which isnt too good really as he isnt putting any weight on nor seems to be improving at all. Hes been home a month now and we expected him to start to get better. I last saw him on Sunday at my sisters ...which was the first time he had been out in 4 months. He has to go to the hospital tomorrow for a checkup so i will try and let you know what happens and what they say.

The kittens are getting big and naughty. They actually both got their first smacks from me today. Not hard but they were climbing up my net curtains right to the top and swinging. They got little holes in now :-( I said sorry to them both after tho and gave them a cudle and they are perfectly happy now

Well I will send this now but before I do I want to thank you all for your comments and those of you who emailed me. Please feel free to email me more and I will try and reply to them. I will update again tomorrow night about my dad and once again im sorry for not commenting but I will get back to doing that in a couple of weeks time..I promise

Until then tho....nite just for now

:-(

2003-06-08T16:42:48Z

Hi everyone

This is just a small update to say i am not sure when i will be back here on LJ or online for more than a few minutes... The fact is Im feeling pretty crap right now and I just don't feel like doing anything except feeling sad and lonely. In brief the same old thing as normal has happened not once but TWICE in as many days ... that is two friends whom I care about very much ( These are non LJ friends ) have both just gotten boyfriends ( I like them as friends not romatically ) and basically now I am not needed by them...just thrown in the corner with their junk ready to be plucked up and used again if things go wrong. Its happened so many times so i am not just assuming.. its fact. When they are single / lonely / bored then they want me to phone or chat to them but as soon as they have a partner ... its bye bye michael.

I don't know when I will update again...maybe tomorrow...wednesday ...next week..next month ..I truly dont know right now but I wont forget any of you and when i can I will read and comment on your lJ's but again I just dont know when that may be. If any of you want to email me my address is Invisiblemeuk@aol.com. Again i wont promise a reply but theres more chance I will be checking there rather than on here at the moment. Maybe things will improve very very soon..in which case I will be back as good as ever...but...for now I can't say. Just to let you know tho my dad is still pretty much the same and the kittens are fine too.

I am sorry again and once more will say if you want to remove me I will understand but I really hope none of you will as I care alot about you all... Until next time tho...Nite just for now